EMOTIONALLY SLUTTY

So at clinical today we were supposed to leave at 14:30 - my idea...At 14:25, however, I found myself standing in the hall, gloves on...
"can I pleasssse get a hand in here??"

My preceptor had promised to help me, but was nowhere to be found. My nurse I was working with was nowhere to be found. Finally I convinced another student to stay late with me to help roll my patient so I could clean her up and get her dressing change finished.
I didn't leave the hospital until about 1520 and even so I was unable to give report to my covering nurse (because I couldn't find her and my preceptor had gone home without telling me), I left her IV running, I didn't give her breakthrough pain medications...there is soo many things I just left my patient with. But I seriously had to leave. I felt abandoned, annoyed, frustrated and guilty. So much so that I'm even considering calling in sick tomorrow and ruining my perfect attendance record.

From the hospital I went to the Dying and Death conference...
"I'd be intimidated to say that to my patient..."
"I've never known you to be intimidated by anything!"
This comment, combined with my vulnerable feeling from clinical - damn nursing making me feel human! led into me sharing way too much information about myself to a room full of strangers...

I remember a time when I never used to talk about my feelings or my experiences. I used to be 'mysterious' almost. But now, jeez, get me a cup of tea (or tiara and pizza) and you can't get me to shut up! But you know I save the juicest of stories for my girls on either coasts...and when it really can't wait, I've got my clinical group, or like today, a room full of strangers...

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PEOPLE DO IT. ALL THAT EMOTIONAL CHOW-CHOW. IT'S EXHAUSTING!